Bringing Home a Baby

I’m so sad I haven’t written this post sooner. This day will be burned into my memory forever, but I sure wish I wrote things down from this day as they were happening!
I wanted to get to the NICU early On Sunday because I had big plans of asking Dr. McQueen if we could take our baby home. When we walked in they were doing rounds and we hadn’t missed it! When they came over to talk to us I imidiately asked if we could take her home. He kind of laughed like no way, and as we continued to talk you could see it on his face that he was going to let us. They had told me she needed to be off the hydrocortisone for 48 hours before she went home because if she were to relapse it would be within that time. Sunday morning marked the 48 hours with in problems so I didn’t see why would need to stay any longer. Dr. McQueen had been there in the very beginning of our stay, but we hadn’t seen him since day 4. He seemed to be a more laid back Dr. so I just had to ask. He asked the other nurses who were there what they thought and I will never forget! Diana, who was our first day nurse said “mom is great with her. She knows what she’s doing, and they have an awesome pediatrician” and I really do believe that is what sealed the deal for us! On Friday there had been talk of sending her home on an apnea monitor but we were fortunate enough to not have to do that!  There were pretty much instant tears! We were going home! Right before they were going to leave he said “Ya know, I walked over her with no intentions of saying those words, but I am really happy you get to go home”. Because they had no intention of sending us home it was going to take awhile to get all the paper done and ready and that was totally fine! We weren’t exactly ready yet either! I fed my sweet baby and laid her down in that tin crib for the last time and we were off!

Of course we had to stop at McDonalds for all the soda addicts in my life. We got my mom and Jim coke’s and went about getting ready to bring this baby home. When we got home I knew I needed to primp myself a little, there would be A LOT of pictures taken after all. We also didn’t have any diapers so it was off to Target we went! We got back to the NICU just before the 2pm feed. I was able to feed her again and then we had to watch a CPR video. This scared me so much! She is just so tiny! It was informative and good to watch, but yikes I hope we never have to use it!

Once all that was done it was ALMOST time! After 25 days I had really made friends with all the nurses! This definitely has its perks! Tracy (the character as my mom calls her) was there and she and I became great friends! She was hilarious and we were always teasing each other. The hospital has Cookies at 3 everyday and if I wasn’t there to get my cookies she would make sure that they would be waiting for me when I got back! Talk about service! Well she really hooked us up when we were leaving! Jim took a trip to the car with literally a garbage bag full of diapers and wipes, along with a hospital bag full of bottles, nipples, and formula (to add calories to her bottles). Such a blessing! We then went over all the paper work and took the monitors off of our baby. When it was time to pick her up and put her in the car seat I lost it. I was holding my sweet 25 day old baby for the first time without a single wire on her, and I was about to take her home! Gosh, even writing about it makes me emotional all over again! We got pictures with our nurses and you can tell by my face how emotional I was! I was SO EXCITED to take her home, but like I said these people had become my friends! Not going to the NICU and hanging out with them would be a huge change! I cried, we all hugged, and then our nurse walked us out and just like that we got to go home.

When we got home my mom and Nixon were still at church and that was good. We got settled and shortly after they got home! Nixon really didn’t pay much attention to her. He just kind of looked at her and just went about his day. He was tired because he didn’t have a nap, plus he had a cold so I wasn’t really upset he didn’t care to be around her. We took some pictures and just settled in as a family of 4 + grandma and Chief. Easily one of the best days of our lives!

Life in the NICU

I am so behind on blogging it makes me sick! It’s safe to say that I was on mucho drugs the first two weeks of this babies life and I think I missed a lot of things. Sadly I didn’t keep a NICU journal until day 10, and that’s only because day 10 was the worst day in there. I started writing about day one and two, and then it skips to day 10. I’ll fill in some blanks in there if I can remember them. Luckily I took pictures every time we went so I can kind of gauge things from there. Here we go. (this is for my journaling purposes, you would have probably been much more entertained by all of this if I was blogging in real time. Alas… drugs.)
After the jump there are no less than 100 pictures

Rowe’s Birth Story

I woke up early on May 19 and I knew it would not be a good day. I took an Ambien the night before and my nurse woke me up at 6, then a new nurse at about 7:15 with her name badge in my face. I’m assuming she was letting me know her name and that she would be my nurse for the day. She then took my vitals and such and I went back to my Ambien coma. Then Dr. Huish came in just after 8 to check on me, and she came in shortly after to let me know she would be giving me another steroid shot in the butt, and those my friends, hurt. like. hell. I decided I would just be up for the day and she put me right on the monitor for the NST that they do twice a day. I usually don’t do this until about 10 but this nurse let me know she was the boss and we would be doing things on her time. So that’s what we did. This is one of my least favorite parts of the day because it takes so long! This baby moves and wiggles her way off the monitor and they need 20 minutes of tape before they can be done. She had so much room in there, my amniotic fluid was measuring 24.8 (Normal is 5-24.8, 25+ is considered dangerous). On top of that you have to have two accelerations in the baby’s heart rate before you can come off the monitors. I knew she would just be lazy because I was still in Ambien coma, she most definitely would be too! Sure enough, about 2 hours later I was able to get off the monitor after falling asleep and being woken up 10 million times and she finally took me off. She never really gave me a report on how she did, but I just assumed her heart rate stayed around 135 where it always had.

After all of that I really was awake for the day! Amanda and Cooper came to see me, and Nixon and my mom came down as well. To say that this was the highlight would be an understatement! In all honesty, being in the hospital is hard, but I’ve had such such such good nurses that they made it completely doable! But after having the morning I had I just wanted my family and friends and wanted to go home. Monday they had told me I was allowed to go on walks too so that’s what we did. It did make me feel better, but I was just feeling homesick.

That night Jim was able to bring Nixon down and bring me dinner. It was so good to see my little family, and this is where things started to go even further south. When my night nurse came in she was the same one I had the night before, and to say she wasn’t my favorite was an understatement. That’s 3 shifts in a row where I didn’t like my nurses. Up to this point the night nurses had been so fun! They would just come in and hang out with me and chit chat and I loved them. So when I saw Toni I wasn’t happy. She then told me we had to change my IV, and draw blood. This I knew wasn’t true. They said I could keep it for 5 days as long as it flushed good and there was no infection. It was in a good place, it didn’t hurt when it went in and I certainly did not want to get another one! After much back and forth about it only being day 4 I finally gave in and let her give me a new one. Huge mistake. With no warning whatsoever she poked me real good in the right wrist and it was instant tears, and the pain continued. I obviously didn’t watch any of it and she didn’t sound too happy about what went down. She asked what the most painful part was and I said when she drew the blood back out of it. She then said that my vein collapsed when she tried to draw the blood, but it flushed good so we would keep it, but she would have to draw my blood from somewhere else. The IV itself felt like it was just rubbing against the bone in my wrist!! I kept crying and then she had to find a new vein to get the blood from. So she poked me again and went passed the vein and then couldn’t get anything out of it. More tears. It was horrible. She had to go get another nurse at this point, who happens to be a friend of a friend and wouldn’t you know it, no tears and she got it first try. I almost asked if they could trade positions but I had planned on taking another Ambien and when I woke up she would be gone and there’s no way she would be my nurse again after that. Jim and I weren’t happy with Toni, and even when I wasn’t trying to be rude I couldn’t help it. There was just no niceness left in my body, plus I was so tired!

Jim and Nixon left shortly after that, it was about 9 at that point. Toni came in and tried to redeem herself and it wasn’t working but it was time for another NST. She said I could have the Ambien as soon as we were done with that just to make sure baby would stay awake and active and it wouldn’t take too long. After 90 minutes she still hadn’t had any accelerations. During the NST you can have them “buzz” your belly twice with this flash light thing that the babies do not like. They tend to squirm away and that causes them to have their accelerations. She didn’t care at all and she usually HATES it. They called Dr. Huish and asked if it was ok because it matched the one from the morning. He decided we would do a BBP (I think that’s what it’s called. It’s a timed ultrasound). We had done one Monday evening and she had scored 6/8. The score is based on 4 things, fetal breathing (hiccups or swallows, but she was still pretty young for that), Amniotic fluid, fine motor, and gross motor. After 30+ minutes she had wiggled her little fingers a little bit, and my amniotic fluid was now a 25 so she scored 4/8. The in-charge nurse had come to watch the last 10 minutes of this stubborn baby and had kind of warned me that with scores like that she wouldn’t be surprised if we would be meeting this baby in the next few days. She said she didn’t think it would be in the morning, but maybe Wednesday night or even Thursday. The ultrasound tech had to write up the report, get it to the radiologist, then to Dr. Huish. By this point it was about 12:30 and I called Jim just to give him a heads up on the situation.

About an hour later the charge nurse came in and said “We are having this baby right now. Let’s get your husband here” and just like that my world was turned upside down. I called Jim and he came right down. As they were prepping me for yet another IV and blood to be drawn one of the nurses asked if I was getting my tubes tied. I said “Yes!” and she looked at me kind of like I was crazy. She asked if how old I was, if I had talked to my husband and informed me that if I wanted one they would do it after the c-section. I thought she was joking! I thought she meant more like “You’ve had a rough pregnancy, you should probably tie your tubes to avoid this”. So no, I didn’t get my tubes tied and I learned that this was not a time for jokes. Shortly after Jim walked in and go figure, I was getting yet ANOTHER IV in my other arm (they wanted 2 just in case I needed blood during surgery) and they had to draw more blood. Luckily Toni was not the one doing it, but Rachel wasn’t either. 7 pokes later and I have two IV’s, lots of bruising, and just enough blood for a “purple top and yellow top”, whatever that means. Everything was going so fast around me and I remember just laying there on my bed probably white as a ghost trying not to cry or have any emotions because I was EXHAUSTED and so overwhelmed. (After everything Jim asked if they had given me any drugs before hand because I was just not myself. The answer is sadly no, I could have really used some with all the poking!) Jim gathered all of my stuff on a cart and got himself dressed and it wasn’t 15 minutes later that we were in the OR. I was terrified. Everything I read said your husband wouldn’t be with you for most of the scary stuff that happens during a C section and it wasn’t a lie! I was alone with a few doctors, a million nurses, and a bunch of specialists. Because of the previa I had been well prepped for any worst case scenario that could possibly happen and that’s all that was running through my mind. If something went remotely wrong they would have to get me blood and hope that both baby and I would pull through! Once the spinal was in (the best thing ever!) I was shocked at how fast it worked. Before I was even laying down I had absolutely no feeling in my legs and within a minute, no feeling in my chest! They had told me if I was ever curious about what was happening to look in the lights and you could see the reflection and I’m so happy I knew that! I didn’t want to see anything! Especially since they laid me down and made my legs into a frog and that catheter went right in. I may have seen that and I’m scarred just from that!

Jim came in and I was almost calmed down. The drugs had made me so so shakey and I knew once he came in that things were going to start. Jim was up by my head along with the head anesthesiologist and the guy that works with him, Kenneth, that did the actual spinal. I was so happy to have them there because they were so distracting. They were talking about cell phones and 401k’s and all sorts of random stuff. It was also kind of weird because I was getting cut open. I’m not completely sure what time the surgery officially started, but I think it was between 2:05-2:10. During the first part of the surgery Jim peeked over the curtain a few times and looked down at me and said “Well, your insides look good” I couldn’t believe he looked! If I were in his position there is no way I would have looked! At 2:17 a bunch of people yelled “OUT” and just like that our baby was here. I listened so closely for cries of screams and didn’t hear anything. The nurse brought her over and showed her to us and she was blue and purple. I asked if she was ok over and over and she said “We are going to revive her right now” and just like that she was whisked away to the other side of the room. She came out breech (We expected that) and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, just once, but that would be why she wasn’t having her accelerations. From the outside of the uterus you can’t tell where the previa is so it’s just a guessing game. Dr. Huish cut right into the thickest part of it. This is extremely scary because that’s what can cause people to bleed out. They were prepped for it but Dr. Huish moved fast, got the baby out safely, even with the cord around her, and got the placenta out ASAP. The head anesthesiologist would occasionally poke his head over and give me a time line update on what was going on. He said he was shocked at how little bleeding there was from that. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better team in there. He also knew I was panicking about the baby because Jim was now over in the corner with her, and I couldn't hear any cries. He said she was doing so good, and her color was so good and they had an oxygen mask on her so her cries were muffled. That’s when I heard those tiny little cries. It was so comforting! I then heard one of the nurses ask Jim if this baby had a name and he said “Yes, Rowe”. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. More on her name later.

Jim took some pictures and showed me and she weighed in at 3lbs 14oz and I was so happy! I wanted her to be 4lbs and 34 weeks but for 32 weeks and 6 (by 2 hours) days I felt really really good about it. They had a tube in her throat right away to make sure she didn’t have too much gas or anything in her belly. I think she was only in the OR with us for about 10 minutes and they brought her over to let me kiss her and then she went to the NICU with Jim. The rest of the surgery went well from what I understand. The anesthesiologist kept me informed and he and Dr. Huish started talking about doctors that they used to work with. I just can’t wrap my head around being so comfortable performing a surgery but also just chit chatting at the same time. I know he does it all the time and it’s probably second nature to him but it’s just crazy to me. Towards the end I heard a staple gun and that was so weird. No one believed me afterwards because I don’t have staples showing and he just glued me up! I asked him later and he said they are under the skin and dissolve! I knew I wasn’t crazy.

They called end of surgery at 2:48 and wheeled me into recovery. Jim came back shortly after 3 and said that she was doing well. We sat in recovery for about an hour and a half and chatted with one of the nicest nurses ever. She was actually the one that admitted us 13 days earlier. I was shaking so bad and it was causing my shoulders to hurt. It was horrible. Jim also fed me ice chips and they would occasionally come and push on my stomach and check the incision. I think this is when things started to set in. I couldn’t believe how fast everything had changed! Within 45 minutes of calling Jim we had a fresh baby straight from heaven. There is nothing sweeter than the spirit of a brand new baby. Around maybe 5 AM they were able to wheel me into the NICU and I was able to see my sweet sleeping baby for the first time. It was hard to see her from my rolling bed, and I was in pain but I could have sat there all day and stared at her. She was exhausted, and I don’t blame her! She has had a traumatic start to this life, but it has made her so feisty and strong. I’m so proud of her, and she is just doing so well. It’s hard to see her in her incubator, and hardly be able to touch her, let alone even hold her but I know she is in the best hands and she’s just young! She just has to struggle a little to thrive.

I know I have said it before, but I can’t stop saying it. We have been so blessed. So so blessed. Dr. Huish has been amazing and I am completely confident in the decisions he has made that led us to where we are. Had I not been in the hospital, chances are we wouldn’t have noticed her moving less and less. The more fluid you have, the less you feel them anyway. We are all so happy that it didn’t come to the third bleed and emergency c-section that made her come right away, she was just done in there. She was ready to be here. While yes, she is so early, 7 weeks, we have all been prepped for this and knew exactly what could happen. We are so blessed that Rowe hasn’t needed anything more than a little oxygen (31 when she was born, we breath 21, but she’s been overall most comfortable around 28). There are so many unknown and scary things that can happen in babies of her age and the neonatal Doctor keeps telling me “The end result is a healthy baby. When she goes home, she will be completely healthy” and that’s because she is doing so well now. She’s been on a little caffeine to fight infant apnea and that’s not uncommon for her age. She also had a little irregular heart beat the first night but after the neonatal oncologist looked at it he said it’s nothing to worry about, and again, it’s common for her age. Overall, she’s doing really well. She has her little set-backs, but it’s like 5 steps forward and 1 step back. That’s what they expect. It’s just hard to watch that as a mother. We were visiting with a doctor by her bed and he turned her from 27 to 23 when she was just over 24 hours old and it scared me. Her monitors started going off and she started to look uncomfortable. Everyone saw the panic our faces, specifically mine and he had to remind me that she can’t become completely dependent on the oxygen. She needs to fight a little and struggle to make her stronger. I feel completely helpless in situations like that. We have been blessed by such good friends and family that have been there every step of the way. We’ve received countless phone calls and texts from everyone and they have all been greatly appreciated. I can’t thank everyone enough for coming to visit us, bringing by treats and just checking in on us. So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Rowe Lyn Ross

Rowe Lyn Ross

May 20,2015 2:17 AM

3lbs 14 oz 18.5in.

There has been so much debate going into this sweet baby's name. She's given us such a run for our money (literally) throughout this whole pregnancy we needed something that would fit her. She's been so fierce and strong through all of it she needed something unique. It's also no secret that I wanted her to have a different name. My name isn't "normal" and Nixon isn't exactly common either. We have been throwing names back and forth for weeks but when I heard Rowe for the first time I just knew it was meant for this baby. I wanted to name Nixon Rowland so bad, but when push came to shove he ended up as Nixon James because it sounded much better than Nixon Rowland, and James is family name in Jim's family. It's also Jim's first name. I have been determined that we were only going to have boys so baby #2 would be Rowland. Well, baby #2 is a girl! Before we even knew we were having a girl I decided I wanted a girl to be named after my dad's sister. While my mom was pregnant with my oldest brother Cody, my dad's parents and two sisters were in a terrible car accident. Both my grandparents were killed, along with his sister Jeanna Lyn who was going into her senior year in high school. I've always been so sad that they weren't around and we would never have a relationship with them. It's very safe to say that Lyn was decided before anything else. If a name we liked didn't fit with Lyn it was automatically off the list. When I was admitted to the hospital I had my mind made up that I needed this baby to be Rowe Lyn. There were other names tossed around but when it came down to it I couldn't give it up. Rowe after my maiden name, and Lyn after my dads sister. If you say them together you kind of get Rowland, and that's a win win win for me! After she was born and Jim was with her across the room I heard a nurse ask if this baby had a name and he said "Yes, Rowe" and that was one of the happiest moments of my life. Not only is it adorable, the meaning is even better. We love our healthy tiny baby Rowe and couldn't feel more blessed!!

32 Weeks

Well, it’s official. I’ve been a resident at this hospital for a week! An entire week! I can’t believe it. In some ways it’s been the longest week of my life, but at the same time the days blur together and I can’t believe it’s already been a week! I thought I would give everyone a little update.

The good news, it’s been a fairly uneventful week and I’m still pregnant! Today I’m officially 32 weeks and that alone is such a relief! If she decides to come now the blood vessels in her brain are fully developed and wont just burst for no reason. The chances of Cerebral Palsy are also next to nothing, both of these things make us super happy. Monday was also a really really good day, they told me I would be able to take wheel chair rides, wear my own clothes, and shower regularly. It really is the littlest things that make me the most happy! Being wheeled around the hospital in a wheel chair is so weird, but oh my gosh I don’t even care. It has been so so nice to go and sit outside instead of stare at it out the window.

This baby is such a little ball of fire, I’m honestly scared for when she gets here. If this pregnancy is any indication of her personality… oh boy. We are in for it! She is stubborn as they come! Twice a day they have to put me on the monitors to check her heart rate and track contractions (yes I’m contracting, but they don’t hurt and I usually have to being paying close attention to feel them, it’s normal at this point). She only has to be on the monitor for 20 minutes straight but the likeliness of that actually happening are slim to none. She is so active and has lots of amniotic fluid to swim around in that she will almost instantly move off the monitor. Plus she has to have accelerations during the 20 minutes where her heart rate goes up at least 15 beats and she is just so lazy, especially in the morning! They have this mini flashlight thing that vibrates and they put it on my belly for about 2 seconds and she haaaaates it so she instantly moves and gives us the acceleration we need. Sometimes the nurses will sit and hold her on the monitor for like 30ish minutes, but yesterday they left me on for like 2 hours and went about their day. They only need 20 minutes, but it can take fooooorever. Forever. Monday morning she was extra lazy so they decided to do an ultrasound just to check on everything and she scored perfectly. They estimated that she weighs in at 3lbs 10.5oz. and we are thrilled!! If I’m pregnant for two more weeks (hopefully) she will be close to 5lbs and that would be so so good. Obviously the longer she is in there the better.

All of my nurses have just been so so so wonderful. On Saturday night I got a new one, Judi, and I hadn’t had her before. As we were doing the monitoring I think she could tell that I was a little down and just talking to me about everything that they are willing to do. This hospital doesn’t get many antepartum patience so when they do they try to make us as comfortable as possible. She said I’m welcome to keep anything I want in the nurses fridge and freezer and if I am just having a crappy day to tell them. She went on to say that it really does suck in here, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it and it’s ok to be mad and upset. As soon as she left I cried. For nearly 24 hours straight. I bawled every time someone would come or go from my room. It was probably the hardest day of my life, and it actually had nothing to do with it being Mothers Day, and I was spending it in the hospital. luckily I got to spend it with my mom, and Nixon and Jim really spoiled me. It was just so good to hear from a total 3rd party that it’s just ok. It’s ok that it sucks. It’s ok that I get bored. It’s ok to sob uncontrollably. After that my attitude has been so much better. It’s all ok. I’m happy to be here, I’m even happier to be pregnant, and I’m 100% confident that no matter what happens we are all going to be ok.

Finally, I feel just so so blessed. Jim keeps saying over and over that we are blessed with good Drs. and nurses, we are blessed that I am able to be in a safe place and that nothing more has gone wrong and he is completely right. This is such a scary thing and like I told one of the nurses “I’m just waiting around until I potentially bleed to death” and as horrible of a reality as it is, it is a reality. But I know it’s all going to be ok. We’ve got such a great support system all around us. It’s completely humbling to think of all the people that have reached out to help us. My mom had to go back to Utah for 3 days, and in those 3 days I didn’t have to worry about my Nixon once. People were lined up to take him and wouldn’t you know they were better parents to him than we are! He ate so good for everyone and that alone is a huge blessing (he is so stubborn and the only fruit he eats is apple sauce and bananas). I’ve been overwhelmed with everyone who has come to visit and all the treats and gifts that they have brought. I’m running out of sitting room on the couch because of all of it! I’m so grateful for my husband, he’s the real hero here. He’s had to be a true single parent this whole time. Getting Nixon up and ready for the day, dropping him off at babysitters, working all day, picking him up, coming to the hospital, taking him home and feeding him dinner, bath, and then bed. On top of that there’s also the household chores. He is handling it like a champ. He’s completely selfless putting Nixon and I before his own needs and I can’t thank him enough. He has a great job working for a company that is completely understanding of our situation and willing to do whatever it take to accommodate him. That alone is such a relief! They’ve said that I am the best worst case scenario and I can’t agree more. As much as it sucks to be away from my family and feel like a burden, I also feel incredibly blessed. So thank you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart because it really does take a village, and I clearly have the best one possible.

31.2

May 9,2015

Jim was able to pick my mom up from the airport shortly after the second blood clot and they spent the rest of the night at home with Nixon. I was actually able to get some sleep that night because I didn’t have to be hooked up to the monitors all night! I’m down to twice a day for 20 minutes, but getting her to stay for those 20 minutes can be rough. I was up early again because I was really anxious to meet with Dr. Elliot. He specializes in high risk pregnancies, but doesn’t actually deliver babies anymore, but gives more of a consult. I went to his office at about 22 weeks for an ultrasound to see about the previa in the beginning. Around 9:15 my support team of mother, husband, and baby came walking through the door and I was so happy! Nothing makes me happier than hearing Nixon coming down the hall “baba? Baba? Baba!” They came right in time because about 30ish minutes later Dr. Elliot walked in. I’ve never felt so comfortable and terrified in my entire life. The information coming from his mouth was horrible, but knowing it makes me feel better. We chatted about the the history of this pregnancy so far and he said I’ve been pretty much a text book case of placental previa. You usually have 3 bleeds, each one worse than the next, and they will all happen about 2 weeks apart. They are counting this one as my second bleed because the first wasn’t very much, and earlier on than usual. He asked how far away I lived and thought about it for a second and just told me as nicely as possible that I wouldn’t be going home. He wants me to be comfortable and understands how sucky it is to be here but went on to explain the risks of being at home when the third bleed occurs. In order to even go home I wouldn’t be able to have any spotting whatsoever for at least 4 or 5 days, and to be honest no one is really counting on that. From there he said if I were at home I would need someone who could be with me 24/7 to call an ambulance if I started to bleed again because there wouldn’t be any time. He’s had patience bleed out who were in the hospital before they even made it to the OR. After hearing that I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. As comfortable as home would be, I can’t be completely contained to the bed at home with Nixon, it would just be too hard.

The big question is how long will I be pregnant? Obviously no one knows because things could change so fast at any point. The goal is to keep this baby in as long as its beneficial for her, and not putting me at too much risk. Right now, she needs to be in. Hopefully for a week or two, but we are kind of expecting to meet her within that time. Dr. Elliot said that week 32-33 are really more important for her to be in, but the survival rate is 98% at this point. Around 34 weeks the benefits stop outweighing the risk and they will likely take the baby then to prevent a blood vessel in the placenta popping and dealing with tons of bleeding (he said it could be nearly a liter right from the get go!) Ideally I wont need an emergency c-section and I can just have a regular scheduled one, just much earlier than the current one that is scheduled for June 18. Needless to say, I’m scared shitless but there’s not a single thing I can do. Everything has been a total fluke, I didn’t do anything to make the placenta attach low, there’s nothing to do to prevent the bleeding, and like Dr. Elliot said earlier, If I’m going to bleed I’m going to bleed. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the shower or the bed or on the toilet, it is pretty much bound to happen. I’m like a bomb just waiting to go off but until then we are doing what we can to prevent it. They moved me out of isolation (I wasn’t really in isolation, they just don’t really use the room because its not that functional) and I’m now right across the hall from the OR just in case anything happens. I feel blessed to be surrounded by such good Drs and nurses! They are trying to keep me with the same nurses so that everyone will stay on the same page and I have loved them all so far. I know that whatever happens everything will be ok and I’m exactly where I need to be, even if I cry every time I hear Nixons voice on the other end of the phone.

So thank you all! Thank you for the kind text, phone calls, messages, and out pouring of love for my little family. I’m truly grateful for everyone offering to take my Nixon so Jim can be at the hospital with me, or my mom. Cross your fingers, toes, and my legs that we can get as much time as possible with this sassy thing inside.

Isolation

I have a whole blog post all quid up and ready to go, it just needed a few pictures (don't they all?) but then drama happened and I'm going to have to come back to it. It's just a 30 week bump date with what I’m sure are less than whitty comments. I'll try to make this update as thorough as possible without being all over the place, I make no promises!!

THIS MAY BE TMI! IF BLOOD AND VAGUNAS GROSS YOU OUT LOOK AWAY NOW!

So Thursday evening we were eating a very healthy, nutritious, dinner made of pancakes and lots of laziness when I felt a gush. This isn't the first time it's happened so I just sat and waited, about 5 seconds later I felt another gush and went to the bathroom. Sure enough there was blood. Lots of blood.  Like couldn't see the bottom of the toilet, lots of blood. Last time I had bled (April 19-20) it was bad, but not this bad and had stopped in a little under 24 hours. Against Drs orders I did not go to the hospital. He made me promise if I had anymore bleeding at any point I would go because it could be life threatening to me and the baby. So naturally I grabbed a pad and sat on the couch and told Jim I was going to watch it and if it got worse we would go in. Within a few minutes there was another gush or two and I was annoyed and went to the bathroom again. This time there was less blood, but there was a clot, a laaaarge golf ball sized clot, and when I saw it I new we had to go in. I yelled at Jim who threw Nixon in the car and we were at the hospital in probably 5 minutes. Luckily our really good friends lives down the street from the hospital and were also there within minutes to take Nixon and make sure he had fun that night!! I can't tell you what a relief it is knowing there's someone who knows your baby just about as good as you do, and so willing to help even with a 3 month old and a two year old of their own! We owe you, Smiths!!

Anyway. It took a few minutes to get checked in and changed and they had me go to the bathroom and there was still blood. It didn't take long for them to just admit me so that they could watch me and try to control the bleeding. Around 10 we were getting settled into our room. I did/do find it so weird that I'm in a full blown labor and delivery room. Like just right over there is the baby bed and I stare at it all day. But they also have me in the isolation room, another hilarious perk. I'm kinda outta the way, you literally walk through a storage closet to get to the room! But it's quiet and they haven't forgotten about me! My nurse said at this hospital they don't get many people like me, ya know, “residence" if you will. That night I had to be hooked up to the monitors all, night and it was probably the worst thing ever. This baby is so so so active that she won't stay long enough to get a good read on her heart beat! The nurse kept saying "I know you are alive in there, I hear you kicking and moving, but just stay still" and I couldn't have agreed with Her more!! After about an hour or more of that she finally settled down enough to the point we got a little sleep.

They were in and out of here all night and I was trying not to move so she would stay on the monitor and then with all the fluid I peed about 10 times and that was annoying. Finally I was up for the day at about 3 and just hung out. They said Dr. Huish would be in after he did a c section at 7:30. I don't know how he does it but at 7:30 on the dot he walked into my room. He pretty much said I would be here through the weekend if we could get the bleeding to stop. He also said that he would like me to stay pregnant for another week or two and that kinda broke my heart. Something about the realization that the Dr. has less hope for you than you do will really rattle your strength. From there I met with all sorts of people, NICU, nurse practitioners, anesthesiologist, and more. The reality of everything was hard but after I cried I knew there was nothing more I could do and just took it in stride. Jim picked up Nixon and ran some errands with him and came back to the hospital about 12:30. I've never been more happy to see that sweet babies face in my life!! He was smiling from ear to ear and just kept saying "Baba! Baba!!" (That's what he calls me, I've never been mama) he was so cute and on his best behavior and his dad had him dressed and hair done, father of the year!! They stayed until nap time and then went home and we all took a nap! At this point everything was looking much better! No big clots, no gushes of blood, I was just peeing out brown small chunks and I thought I would be in the clear! I was lucky enough to have some visitors again, Jim Nixon and Paige came! It was so nice to just chat and be with people! Right after Paige left I went to the bathroom and sure enough, I passed another large clot. This one was even bigger than the last, I would say the size of two golf balls. Just like that, everything I was working for got ripped away. I was promised I could shower, I was told I would only be in the hospital for the weekend, and just like that no shower and calls to the Dr. were put in place. Once the nurse talked to Dr. Huish he said there was a possibility that if I passed another clot of that size I would be transferred to the other hospital that has more experience with high risk. That scared me because I love my Doctor! I am “comfortable” at this hospital, and I don’t do well with change. That pretty well sums up the first 24 hours of our stay.
I tried to attach a short video of the highlight of my life, but I blame the hospital internet. Hopefully the link will work! https://youtu.be/Aj_1gjQMEeU

Baby Girl

So the rumors are true, Nixon’s going to be a big brother July 9! He has no idea what is going on of course, but we are terrified so excited! I'm 21 weeks tomorrow (Feb. 26) and there has been so much going on with this baby, I don’t know where to begin!

When I found out I was pregnant I went on the search for a “big brother” shirt to surprise Jim. He was working a half day that day so I planned on him wearing it when Jim got home and it would be a surprise. Welllllll, Jim got home later than planned and Nixon ended up falling asleep. Jim was still surprised when he eventually realized what Nixon’s shirt said.

We found out I was pregnant back in October and it wasn’t long after that the morning sickness started setting in. When we were in New York (!!!) That’s when smells and such really started getting to me. It’s been so different than when I was pregnant with Nixon because the morning sickness would last all day with little to no relief. With Nixon I would be sick, throw up, and be better around noon. This one, no, She has other plans. Sick all day, throw up randomly, and continue to be sick. For a few weeks I had a major aversion to anything sweet. I wanted nothing to do with cookies, cakes, ice cream, anything like that and it was great! That however, has subsided and I could probably live exclusively off of air heads.

20 weeks with Nixon vs 19 weeks with baby girl

I definitely get my cravings, and It’s always around 3 in the afternoon. I think I text Jim everyday saying I’m craving something different. One day it was a corn dog and onion rings, and 5 minutes later it was tacos. I’m telling you, pregnancy is the craziest thing.

This next part is mostly for me, and kinda TMI, but hey, it’s my blog and if you don’t like it, move along :)
Now we are kind of caught up to now. Besides being sick, this pregnancy hasn’t been all roses like it was with Nixon. My biggest concern with him was that he was going to be huge by his due date! This one, well, it’s been much more rocky. Everything up to 19 weeks was great besides the morning sickness! I started to show much much earlier, and that was depressing. We Had the big anatomy ultrasound on Feb 12 and found out that it was a girl! So many emotions! We also found out that there was a possibility that I had a second lobe on my placenta. I also have a total Placenta Previa, meaning that the placenta is attached low in the uterus and completely covering the cervix. As the uterus grows, the placenta often goes with it, uncovering the cervix and I can have a normal delivery. If It doesn’t, then it’s a c-section. They sent me in to have a level 2 ultrasound to see if the placenta had the second lobe. After an hour of poking and two doctors later, it was determined that I just have one, massive placenta. The reason they couldn’t tell if it were one or two is because at the very bottom there’s a very large placental lake. The doctor described it like the placenta is like a sponge, and some openings are bigger than others, thus creating a lake. It really is massive! You could see the blood flowing through it in the ultrasound, probably the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! So because the lake is so big, and in the perfect place right above the cervix, they couldn’t tell if the front and the back were connected. They are connected! We also learned that massive placentas make massive babies, that I was less than excited to hear as you can imagine!

Fast forward to Sunday, Feb 22. We had a really low key day or just lounging around the house (we skipped stake conference, we have a 2 year old for heavens sake!) I started to feel a little crampy and annoyed but ignored it for awhile. After dinner I went to the bathroom and wouldn’t you know it, blood. More than a little, less than a lot. Naturally I freaked out and started crying and Jim called the nurse who then had the on call Doctor give us a call. He said if it got worse than to go to the ER ASAP, but if it lightened or went away just call Dr. Huish in the morning and he would probably have me come in just to make sure things were ok. I took it easy the rest of the night and the bleeding completely stopped. When I called the office in the morning the nurse was very very serious when she said “you need to go to the hospital right now because of what’s going on with your placenta”. So again, I started crying, called Jim home from work, dropped Nixon off and headed to the hospital. Once we were there they hooked me up to the machine that checks to see if you are having contractions and asked me a million questions while they tried to find a heart beat. It took her so long and she kept saying “there’s the placenta, we can hear the placenta” and I was like uhhh ya, I know. It’s massive, but where’s the heartbeat? Eventually she found it and it was strong and everything sounded good. After being hooked up and them calling Dr. Huish they said everything was fine and to go home. They said I needed to take it easy, no heavy lifting and absolutely no working out. I started laughing, she clearly doesn’t know me at all! I went and got Nixon and took it pretty easy the rest of the day. There’s only so much you can do with a two year old and taking it easy.
The next day, Tuesday, we went to the mall to pick up a gift, walked to the mail box and that was the extent of our activity. When I got home, sure enough I was spotting. It wasn’t as much as before, so I wasn’t too worried. I then took it easier the rest of the night but kept spotting. It got lighter as the night went on so that was good! I didn’t call the doctor because it was after 5, and I knew they were just going to say to watch it and if it got worse to come in. So Wednesday morning I went back and forth on if I should call or not because it wasn’t as bad, and I really didn’t want to go back to the hospital. I ended up calling and the nurse said to come down and they would do an ultrasound just to make sure things were fine because they didn’t do know while we were at the hospital. So I hopped in the car and went down there. I got right in and after taking a quick look around, it was determined that things were fine, again. The Ultrasound tech thought that maybe the baby had been kicking the placental lake sending blood through the cervix. As terrible and scary as that is, its kind of best case. It’s a possibility that the blood could get to the baby and we obviously don’t want that. Dr. Huish is suppose to call back and give me further instruction. From what I’ve read, these are all commons things to happen with a placenta previa, especially at this point in pregnancy. It could last for a few weeks, or it could result in bed rest. I’m really hoping its just a few weeks and everything moves up and we can get over all of this… not to mention I’m kind of over all these doctor visits! In the last 3 weeks I’ve had 4 appointments, and 3 ultrasounds. It’s a bit crazy! Hopefully we will have some answers soon and I wont be put on bed rest! Here’s the ultrasound from this morning to take us out!