32 Weeks

Well, it’s official. I’ve been a resident at this hospital for a week! An entire week! I can’t believe it. In some ways it’s been the longest week of my life, but at the same time the days blur together and I can’t believe it’s already been a week! I thought I would give everyone a little update.

The good news, it’s been a fairly uneventful week and I’m still pregnant! Today I’m officially 32 weeks and that alone is such a relief! If she decides to come now the blood vessels in her brain are fully developed and wont just burst for no reason. The chances of Cerebral Palsy are also next to nothing, both of these things make us super happy. Monday was also a really really good day, they told me I would be able to take wheel chair rides, wear my own clothes, and shower regularly. It really is the littlest things that make me the most happy! Being wheeled around the hospital in a wheel chair is so weird, but oh my gosh I don’t even care. It has been so so nice to go and sit outside instead of stare at it out the window.

This baby is such a little ball of fire, I’m honestly scared for when she gets here. If this pregnancy is any indication of her personality… oh boy. We are in for it! She is stubborn as they come! Twice a day they have to put me on the monitors to check her heart rate and track contractions (yes I’m contracting, but they don’t hurt and I usually have to being paying close attention to feel them, it’s normal at this point). She only has to be on the monitor for 20 minutes straight but the likeliness of that actually happening are slim to none. She is so active and has lots of amniotic fluid to swim around in that she will almost instantly move off the monitor. Plus she has to have accelerations during the 20 minutes where her heart rate goes up at least 15 beats and she is just so lazy, especially in the morning! They have this mini flashlight thing that vibrates and they put it on my belly for about 2 seconds and she haaaaates it so she instantly moves and gives us the acceleration we need. Sometimes the nurses will sit and hold her on the monitor for like 30ish minutes, but yesterday they left me on for like 2 hours and went about their day. They only need 20 minutes, but it can take fooooorever. Forever. Monday morning she was extra lazy so they decided to do an ultrasound just to check on everything and she scored perfectly. They estimated that she weighs in at 3lbs 10.5oz. and we are thrilled!! If I’m pregnant for two more weeks (hopefully) she will be close to 5lbs and that would be so so good. Obviously the longer she is in there the better.

All of my nurses have just been so so so wonderful. On Saturday night I got a new one, Judi, and I hadn’t had her before. As we were doing the monitoring I think she could tell that I was a little down and just talking to me about everything that they are willing to do. This hospital doesn’t get many antepartum patience so when they do they try to make us as comfortable as possible. She said I’m welcome to keep anything I want in the nurses fridge and freezer and if I am just having a crappy day to tell them. She went on to say that it really does suck in here, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it and it’s ok to be mad and upset. As soon as she left I cried. For nearly 24 hours straight. I bawled every time someone would come or go from my room. It was probably the hardest day of my life, and it actually had nothing to do with it being Mothers Day, and I was spending it in the hospital. luckily I got to spend it with my mom, and Nixon and Jim really spoiled me. It was just so good to hear from a total 3rd party that it’s just ok. It’s ok that it sucks. It’s ok that I get bored. It’s ok to sob uncontrollably. After that my attitude has been so much better. It’s all ok. I’m happy to be here, I’m even happier to be pregnant, and I’m 100% confident that no matter what happens we are all going to be ok.

Finally, I feel just so so blessed. Jim keeps saying over and over that we are blessed with good Drs. and nurses, we are blessed that I am able to be in a safe place and that nothing more has gone wrong and he is completely right. This is such a scary thing and like I told one of the nurses “I’m just waiting around until I potentially bleed to death” and as horrible of a reality as it is, it is a reality. But I know it’s all going to be ok. We’ve got such a great support system all around us. It’s completely humbling to think of all the people that have reached out to help us. My mom had to go back to Utah for 3 days, and in those 3 days I didn’t have to worry about my Nixon once. People were lined up to take him and wouldn’t you know they were better parents to him than we are! He ate so good for everyone and that alone is a huge blessing (he is so stubborn and the only fruit he eats is apple sauce and bananas). I’ve been overwhelmed with everyone who has come to visit and all the treats and gifts that they have brought. I’m running out of sitting room on the couch because of all of it! I’m so grateful for my husband, he’s the real hero here. He’s had to be a true single parent this whole time. Getting Nixon up and ready for the day, dropping him off at babysitters, working all day, picking him up, coming to the hospital, taking him home and feeding him dinner, bath, and then bed. On top of that there’s also the household chores. He is handling it like a champ. He’s completely selfless putting Nixon and I before his own needs and I can’t thank him enough. He has a great job working for a company that is completely understanding of our situation and willing to do whatever it take to accommodate him. That alone is such a relief! They’ve said that I am the best worst case scenario and I can’t agree more. As much as it sucks to be away from my family and feel like a burden, I also feel incredibly blessed. So thank you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart because it really does take a village, and I clearly have the best one possible.